A Really Boring Update

You know what I can't stand? Really horrible shoes.


I probably ran into these monstrosities at Designer Shoe Warehouse (DSW). They have a peep toe -the most uncomfortable kind of toe in existence next to one of those creepy looking overlapped toes that old people get- and it's advertised as a winter boot. The oversized boot cuff looks like a chunk of quilted parka and that's the point in which the whole thing stops saying "Winter" and starts screaming "WTF?". The peep toe and peep...um...heel are, at least in my opinion, counter-indicative of any kind of winter weather. Maybe I'm supposed to wear very thick socks with these things or something.



What the hell are these? Those are definitely spikes coming out the back... and the heel is made of a screw with two nuts on each end. I have to give the designer credit: these are some very inventive looking shoes. How are we supposed to walk in them? I am already baffled by women who manage stiletto heels but these just look terrifyingly impossible. The advertisement says that they are made of quilted leather too, making them an investment of over $200. I can just imagine accidentally backing into my dog with these...



A friend of mine called these "Tanks". I call them "Why Did You Put Polka Dots On Them?". I love platforms, even if they do sometimes look like orthopaedic prescription shoes, but these are just an amalgam of poor design decisions. The leather strap under the buckle looks like it's going to put an eye out and the extension over the ankle looks really... off. Maybe, like the peep toe's, these are supposed to be worn with knee high socks.


I want to meet anyone who has the balls to wear these. And I'm pretty sure that anyone who does buy these would have balls. They definitely look like the kind of shoes I see Transgendered people wearing. That's not at all what turns me off about them, though, as several of my friends are Transgendered. It's the combination of the pointy heel with the extreme platform. I'd break my ankles in these in a matter of seconds, I guarantee it.

Despite my opinions of these examples, there ARE some people out there who can wear these and look amazing. And those people are named Lady Gaga <3